Last Sunday the sermon was good - teacher related how if he has a recorded Steeler's game and he happens to hear how they did before he watches it, whether or not he watches is totally dependent on how they did. If they lost, he has no interest in seeing the game. If they won, he's excited about it, and even if they're down he knows the outcome and it totally changes the viewing experience. And that's like our lives. An expected end. I can see how it would change my total attitude if I could hold on to it. Thought worth relating. Need to dig up verses to ground it.
Then today beautiful testimony of a man who was healed of entrenched avascular necrosis (sp?) that he'd been struggling with for years. Totally healed. Legs perfect. Hikes all over the world now.
Then a girl from Bible study is there with her husband, and he makes a decision to follow Christ!
HALLELUJAH! Our God is alive!
And it's good to be with His people and be able to see it.
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Wrote that last night.
Today is horrible. How have I ever held it together? I keep thinking of the foolish woman in Proverbs who pulls down her house with her own hands.
Was thinking, but not saying to Him, that He's not enough (here I am a mess and He's not protecting the kids from me [them being around an angry nag], and I can't stay away from sin), shocking myself with the blasphemy of the thought. But the reality is here today, staring me in the face. Then when I wanted to tell Him, I thought, it's true, He's not making ME enough. for them. They need Him and the sooner they know it, the better.
Yesterday sang, my hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness. That would be good.
That was extremely cathartic. I was just able to actually be pleasant at lunch. Clearly I need to journal and not inflict these things upon you all. Thank you though.
ReplyDeleteI'm not feeling inflicted upon. :) Sometimes it's nice to know that someone's listening. I'm afraid I'm going to be afflicting you all with some intellectual babble that has nothing to do with real life.
ReplyDeleteNothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. What a relief!
Lucia
Oh, Alissa, I think I needed to read that right now. The kids are on their second day home from school, and so I woke up late--which should have been a joyous thing--but instead, I have been GRUMPY all day, and down about how ineffective I am as a mom and how I always thought things would be different. Woe is me! (I think the discipline of a structured time schedule in life actually helps me feel happier, although I am always grateful and excited to escape its bounds.) So glad that writing it all helped you release it. We need some sort of transformation box, don't we, where we can put in all our miserableness and let God transform it… so a blog can be useful as that. --Rachel
ReplyDeleteBy the way, loved the healing story, the salvation story, and the idea of the end of the story giving us hope and enthusiasm for life, to live in expectation of the good God has planned. Great analogy and unlike the predictions of Hurricane Sandy, which made me feel unusually antsy and concerned for the future… which wasn't so bad (for us anyway).
ReplyDeleteLike Gretchen Rubin tried to tell us in the Happiness Project, Happiness doesn't always make you happy, which I totally didn't get when I read it, but has come back many times when I'm fighting the discipline I need for long-term satisfaction with the immediate gratification of the flesh.
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